My last blog post was EIGHT MONTHS ago! We were on the verge of heading to China, and I switched to Facebook for posting while we were there. What is my excuse since we got back? I am going to go with the golden oldie – parenting 4 children. Having enough brain power to rub two thoughts together was a lacking commodity. Summer vacation has FINALLY arrived, and so I will start with two blog posts (condensed from the original Facebook posts) highlighting our journey to China.
October 31, 2015 (China Time)
After 26 hours of travel, we've arrived safely in Nanchang! We get our little girl in 16 1/2 HOURS!
November 1, 2015
We got off the elevator and walked around to the lobby. I was scanning the clusters of seats for the other adoptive family (because, let's face it, white people are easy to spot around here). Instead, I saw HER! They were already here, and I saw Baby! Heart leaped! Breath stopped.
The first couple of hours were amazing in their ease. Not a single tear shed. She was looking at EVERYTHING and figuring stuff out. After she ate, things got real. I started the bath running, and she was happily trying to touch the water. Then I started to take off her shirt, and she hit the floor sobbing. All I can gather is that she realized that I was getting her ready for bed, and she realized that she was staying, and like any 2-year-old in a strange place with strangers, she was not having any of it. Once we finally got her washed and ready to sleep, she was having nothing to do with the baby bed, so we tucked her into bed between us and laid down with her. Welcome to co-sleeping! But she fell almost immediately asleep and slept until almost 7am. Sometimes sideways. Sometimes with a leg on us. But she slept.
November 2, 2015
I started the day SO sick. I slowly got ready for the day because we had ALL of our big appointments this morning.
Now, for the adoption, we are supposed to bring 12 small gifts (Made in the USA to boot) to pass out when our guide tells us. Well, I had ours in a bag to pick from and brought some down for the nannies when we got Baby. Well, lost in translation happened here! I was trying to tell them to pick one each, and they were trying to take the whole bag, and our guide told me that they would share them at the orphanage. So I let them take the bag.
Well, the phone call was from the other family here, and she said that our guide mentioned having the three gifts for the officials, and I was like "I don't have any more!" When Hubby got back from breakfast, I lost it. Waterworks time. I didn't cry when my legs cramped on the plane, I didn't cry when our luggage was lost, I didn't cry when Baby broke down sobbing (although I felt very sad for her, I was expecting something and was prepared), I didn't cry when she started preferring Hubby (because she feels safe with him and that is good and I have lots of time to bond with her), I didn't cry when I felt sick and threw up. But when I found out that I didn't have something that other people were expecting from me, something I was expected to give, I lost it!
Well, no time for a pity party. I pulled myself together, thanked Jesus that I still had mints from the flight for my stomach, and went down to meet the other family and our guide. Our guide wasn't there yet, and GOD CAME THROUGH!
The other adoptive mom and I started bonding almost instantly, and I explained the whole gift thing, and she told me not to worry about it, we would just say that their gifts were from both families! She also gave me a natural stomach remedy when we got back to the hotel. We spent a crazy morning with them in crazy places, and it was actually so much fun! God hand-picked a couple that we can not only "get along with" for the rest of the trip but can also enjoy! Big family, homeschooling, Christian, considerate family. I cannot express the gift that He gave me with this in that moment, when I honestly wanted nothing more than to be home alone in a dark room crying!
All of our appointments this morning ended in the presentation of a VERY important piece of paper -- Baby is officially OURS! Now just need passport and a visa to bring her home!
November 3, 2015
After breakfast, we headed out with our guide and the other family for a shopping adventure to . . . Wal-Mart! Okay, this may not sound very adventurous, but I have never been more exhausted after a Wal-Mart trip! First of all, the Wal-Mart is on the 3rd story of a downtown shopping center. Second, while there is a decent amount of English on everything, it is crazy trying to find what you need! There are some American brands and a lot of non-American brands. Third, everything is priced is Yuan (you-awn). So everything looks really expensive because you have to divide by 6 to get the ~dollar amount. Then after we finished, we ride a special escalator down to the 2nd floor (magnetized because your shopping cart comes with you!) where the foods are.
We checked out with the assistance of our awesome guide, and then I had to explain to her that we needed to buy cigarettes. What?!?! You heard me right! If you read my previous post about the gifts, you know that our 12 gifts all went with the nannies due to miscommunication in translation. One of the top items recommended was cigarettes, because a LOT of people here smoke them. And it is pretty much the only item that we can buy in-country that won't be insulting to give with Chinese on it. So I had to explain to our guide about the miscommunication, and she helped me purchase 6 packs of cigarettes. Marlboro. At least I could get an American brand, right? The 1st floor of the shopping center had the specialty shops that included the cigarette shop. It was a bit embarrassing having to explain about the whole mishap, but at least now I have gifts for the officials in Guangzhou. And another story to add to this journey! First and last time I buy cigarettes.
November 4, 2015
We met the other family in the lobby and headed to the orphanage at 9:30. All 4 parents were very nervous as to what we were about to experience. The hotel is actually closer to the orphanage than to Wal-Mart. Somehow I mentally pictured it as out of the city, but it is smack in the middle of the city. We had to wait for the gate to open, and in we went.
After touring the orphanage, we headed to the foster homes. The foster home where Baby lived is a building across a courtyard from the orphanage. There are multiple homes (apartments) in this building with foster parents who have multiple foster kids from the orphanage. During the day they are in their classroom, but during the night, they are "home" with their foster families.
We headed up 3 floors to Baby's foster home. Her foster mother was waiting at the top of the steps for us, and Baby about flew out of Daddy's arms into hers. She hugged and hugged her neck. We then got to go into the foster home and see where she lived since she was 11 months old.
We saw pictures all over the wall and a LOT of them were of her. She was the youngest foster child in the home at the time that we got her. We got pictures with the foster mother and of the home. I was doing okay until I realized that as she was VERY excitedly talking to us, the foster mom was starting to tear up. And I lost it. I really, really didn't want to cry, because I wanted them to know that I am happy to be her mother, but I know that this foster mother loved our little girl for a long time and will continue to love her. She wants us to explain to Baby why she couldn't adopt her and keep her forever. I managed to keep the tears slow enough to still converse, but then we had to leave so the foster moms could go pick up the other foster kids for lunch. Hubby reached for Baby, and she lost it. Loud, heartbreaking wailing. We knew that we just had to walk away so the ladies could get the other kids, so I grabbed the foster mother's hand, we locked eyes and shared the look that only two mothers can understand despite different languages and cultures, I told her "Thank you!," and I had to walk away.
We walked down the stairs and out the door with a sobbing toddler and two weeping parents.
Adoption is beautiful and wonderful and God-given. It is also loss. Deep, aching loss for many, many people. Today that loss was acute and piercing.
The next part is another of those cross-cultural crazy times for this trip. We went into a small room with a couch and a round table set for lunch. All of the officials came in, and we started our rather sumptuous feast. Round table style. Everyone just digs in, turns the lazy susan, puts some stuff in bowls, samples stuff from other bowls, and chattered in Chinese. The head director made a toast to our families and we ate. I was the odd-ball who couldn't use the chopsticks, so I had to make do with the Chinese spoon. There was a whole fish that everyone really enjoyed (apparently it is a holiday delicacy for them) and shrimp (eyes, feet, tail, and all). Also plenty of more recognizable meats and white rice, so I sampled whatever I felt I could manage and hopefully didn't embarrass myself too much!
We said our good-byes and handed the director our gifts (a mini maglite, the only gift I didn't lose on Gotcha Day!). Then we gratefully climbed back into our van and headed "home" to the hotel. I am guessing we are looking at 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but I feel like the visit was absolutely the right thing for us to do! It filled in big gaps of her story for us and gave us the ability to give her the gift of information about her first almost 3 years.
November 5, 2015
So did you all know that we are like movie stars? When we go out in public, everyone looks at us (some sneak a peek, some outright stare). Well, today we did a very "tourist" thing by going to the Tengwang Pavilion. There were also large groups of students there on school tours. We were seriously mobbed because kids are kids anywhere, and they are not shy about approaching us, taking pictures with us, taking pictures of us, asking us questions in rapid Chinese ("Sorry, I really can't understand you. I only know how to say Hi."), practicing their English, and (quite honestly) laughing at us strange Americans. They were more discrete at the beginning, but by the 5th or 6th floor of the tower, they would follow us like ducklings! Just before we headed down from the 9th floor, I turned to talk to the small herd that were following Baby and I. I crouched down by her stroller and within 10 seconds, we were completely surrounded by Chinese school kids. We waved, said "Ni hao" ("Hello"), smiled for a barrage of pictures, and then had to make our way out of literal encircling of "students."
Tomorrow we leave our "bubble" of Nanchang and head to Guangzhou for the second half of our adventure.
November 6, 2015
We got to the airport and our awesome guide got us our tickets, helped us check our bags, and walked us to security. It was a sad moment to leave her behind. For all of the communication amusements that transpired over the week, she was our lifeline, and we couldn't have done it without her.
Now, here is a funny story! When we checked in for tickets, we found out that when our facilitator booked the flight, there ended up not being enough seats in economy, so Baby's ticket was in First Class. We joked about putting a toddler alone in first class and letting the attendants enjoy that adventure! Okay, so in seriousness, we knew that I would have to take the seat if we couldn't get the other person in the row to switch. Well, we get on the plane and head to the back of the plane. Hubby and Baby sat down in the 2 empty seats, and the poor gentlemen in the 3rd seat looked very confusing looking at me. We asked if he spoke English, and he said no. So I had to wait for everyone behind us to pass and then got the flight attendant. She had some limited English, so we managed to convey to the gentleman that he could have our seat in first class. It didn't take too much convincing once he understood what was going on. As soon as he moved, the attendant pointed to the empty seat and asked me if it was okay. Umm, yeah, that's the seat I want! LOL. As we were taxiing to take-off, she tried to bring me the slippers and paper that went with the seat. I finally managed to convey that I wanted the man to have everything, even my better meal. She seemed surprised. I just want to know the story that he told his family when he got home that night!
Well, Baby was cranky-toddler-tired by that point, so we gave her a snack. The plane started rolling, she started nodding, and she was asleep before take-off. I wish I could say that it lasted, but she only slept about 30 minutes total. Then she woke up MAD! We used food to distract her as much as we could, but she got upset about the seat belt and just started wailing. And wailing. Finally, an attendant came over and asked if she wanted a little kids' book. I said no. She asked if water might help her ears not hurt (how to explain "aural atresia" in limited English?). I finally managed to explain that she didn't like the seat belt, and she said we could "hug her." I clarified -- "you mean hold her?" "Yes!!!" [Translation: please make her stop!] Well, I had her unbuckled and in Hubby's lap before you could blink, and we managed to get her to stop. Whew!
October 31, 2015 (China Time)
After 26 hours of travel, we've arrived safely in Nanchang! We get our little girl in 16 1/2 HOURS!
November 1, 2015
We got off the elevator and walked around to the lobby. I was scanning the clusters of seats for the other adoptive family (because, let's face it, white people are easy to spot around here). Instead, I saw HER! They were already here, and I saw Baby! Heart leaped! Breath stopped.
The first couple of hours were amazing in their ease. Not a single tear shed. She was looking at EVERYTHING and figuring stuff out. After she ate, things got real. I started the bath running, and she was happily trying to touch the water. Then I started to take off her shirt, and she hit the floor sobbing. All I can gather is that she realized that I was getting her ready for bed, and she realized that she was staying, and like any 2-year-old in a strange place with strangers, she was not having any of it. Once we finally got her washed and ready to sleep, she was having nothing to do with the baby bed, so we tucked her into bed between us and laid down with her. Welcome to co-sleeping! But she fell almost immediately asleep and slept until almost 7am. Sometimes sideways. Sometimes with a leg on us. But she slept.
November 2, 2015
I started the day SO sick. I slowly got ready for the day because we had ALL of our big appointments this morning.
Now, for the adoption, we are supposed to bring 12 small gifts (Made in the USA to boot) to pass out when our guide tells us. Well, I had ours in a bag to pick from and brought some down for the nannies when we got Baby. Well, lost in translation happened here! I was trying to tell them to pick one each, and they were trying to take the whole bag, and our guide told me that they would share them at the orphanage. So I let them take the bag.
Well, the phone call was from the other family here, and she said that our guide mentioned having the three gifts for the officials, and I was like "I don't have any more!" When Hubby got back from breakfast, I lost it. Waterworks time. I didn't cry when my legs cramped on the plane, I didn't cry when our luggage was lost, I didn't cry when Baby broke down sobbing (although I felt very sad for her, I was expecting something and was prepared), I didn't cry when she started preferring Hubby (because she feels safe with him and that is good and I have lots of time to bond with her), I didn't cry when I felt sick and threw up. But when I found out that I didn't have something that other people were expecting from me, something I was expected to give, I lost it!
Well, no time for a pity party. I pulled myself together, thanked Jesus that I still had mints from the flight for my stomach, and went down to meet the other family and our guide. Our guide wasn't there yet, and GOD CAME THROUGH!
The other adoptive mom and I started bonding almost instantly, and I explained the whole gift thing, and she told me not to worry about it, we would just say that their gifts were from both families! She also gave me a natural stomach remedy when we got back to the hotel. We spent a crazy morning with them in crazy places, and it was actually so much fun! God hand-picked a couple that we can not only "get along with" for the rest of the trip but can also enjoy! Big family, homeschooling, Christian, considerate family. I cannot express the gift that He gave me with this in that moment, when I honestly wanted nothing more than to be home alone in a dark room crying!
All of our appointments this morning ended in the presentation of a VERY important piece of paper -- Baby is officially OURS! Now just need passport and a visa to bring her home!
November 3, 2015
After breakfast, we headed out with our guide and the other family for a shopping adventure to . . . Wal-Mart! Okay, this may not sound very adventurous, but I have never been more exhausted after a Wal-Mart trip! First of all, the Wal-Mart is on the 3rd story of a downtown shopping center. Second, while there is a decent amount of English on everything, it is crazy trying to find what you need! There are some American brands and a lot of non-American brands. Third, everything is priced is Yuan (you-awn). So everything looks really expensive because you have to divide by 6 to get the ~dollar amount. Then after we finished, we ride a special escalator down to the 2nd floor (magnetized because your shopping cart comes with you!) where the foods are.
We checked out with the assistance of our awesome guide, and then I had to explain to her that we needed to buy cigarettes. What?!?! You heard me right! If you read my previous post about the gifts, you know that our 12 gifts all went with the nannies due to miscommunication in translation. One of the top items recommended was cigarettes, because a LOT of people here smoke them. And it is pretty much the only item that we can buy in-country that won't be insulting to give with Chinese on it. So I had to explain to our guide about the miscommunication, and she helped me purchase 6 packs of cigarettes. Marlboro. At least I could get an American brand, right? The 1st floor of the shopping center had the specialty shops that included the cigarette shop. It was a bit embarrassing having to explain about the whole mishap, but at least now I have gifts for the officials in Guangzhou. And another story to add to this journey! First and last time I buy cigarettes.
November 4, 2015
We met the other family in the lobby and headed to the orphanage at 9:30. All 4 parents were very nervous as to what we were about to experience. The hotel is actually closer to the orphanage than to Wal-Mart. Somehow I mentally pictured it as out of the city, but it is smack in the middle of the city. We had to wait for the gate to open, and in we went.
After touring the orphanage, we headed to the foster homes. The foster home where Baby lived is a building across a courtyard from the orphanage. There are multiple homes (apartments) in this building with foster parents who have multiple foster kids from the orphanage. During the day they are in their classroom, but during the night, they are "home" with their foster families.
We headed up 3 floors to Baby's foster home. Her foster mother was waiting at the top of the steps for us, and Baby about flew out of Daddy's arms into hers. She hugged and hugged her neck. We then got to go into the foster home and see where she lived since she was 11 months old.
We saw pictures all over the wall and a LOT of them were of her. She was the youngest foster child in the home at the time that we got her. We got pictures with the foster mother and of the home. I was doing okay until I realized that as she was VERY excitedly talking to us, the foster mom was starting to tear up. And I lost it. I really, really didn't want to cry, because I wanted them to know that I am happy to be her mother, but I know that this foster mother loved our little girl for a long time and will continue to love her. She wants us to explain to Baby why she couldn't adopt her and keep her forever. I managed to keep the tears slow enough to still converse, but then we had to leave so the foster moms could go pick up the other foster kids for lunch. Hubby reached for Baby, and she lost it. Loud, heartbreaking wailing. We knew that we just had to walk away so the ladies could get the other kids, so I grabbed the foster mother's hand, we locked eyes and shared the look that only two mothers can understand despite different languages and cultures, I told her "Thank you!," and I had to walk away.
We walked down the stairs and out the door with a sobbing toddler and two weeping parents.
Adoption is beautiful and wonderful and God-given. It is also loss. Deep, aching loss for many, many people. Today that loss was acute and piercing.
The next part is another of those cross-cultural crazy times for this trip. We went into a small room with a couch and a round table set for lunch. All of the officials came in, and we started our rather sumptuous feast. Round table style. Everyone just digs in, turns the lazy susan, puts some stuff in bowls, samples stuff from other bowls, and chattered in Chinese. The head director made a toast to our families and we ate. I was the odd-ball who couldn't use the chopsticks, so I had to make do with the Chinese spoon. There was a whole fish that everyone really enjoyed (apparently it is a holiday delicacy for them) and shrimp (eyes, feet, tail, and all). Also plenty of more recognizable meats and white rice, so I sampled whatever I felt I could manage and hopefully didn't embarrass myself too much!
We said our good-byes and handed the director our gifts (a mini maglite, the only gift I didn't lose on Gotcha Day!). Then we gratefully climbed back into our van and headed "home" to the hotel. I am guessing we are looking at 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but I feel like the visit was absolutely the right thing for us to do! It filled in big gaps of her story for us and gave us the ability to give her the gift of information about her first almost 3 years.
November 5, 2015
So did you all know that we are like movie stars? When we go out in public, everyone looks at us (some sneak a peek, some outright stare). Well, today we did a very "tourist" thing by going to the Tengwang Pavilion. There were also large groups of students there on school tours. We were seriously mobbed because kids are kids anywhere, and they are not shy about approaching us, taking pictures with us, taking pictures of us, asking us questions in rapid Chinese ("Sorry, I really can't understand you. I only know how to say Hi."), practicing their English, and (quite honestly) laughing at us strange Americans. They were more discrete at the beginning, but by the 5th or 6th floor of the tower, they would follow us like ducklings! Just before we headed down from the 9th floor, I turned to talk to the small herd that were following Baby and I. I crouched down by her stroller and within 10 seconds, we were completely surrounded by Chinese school kids. We waved, said "Ni hao" ("Hello"), smiled for a barrage of pictures, and then had to make our way out of literal encircling of "students."
Tomorrow we leave our "bubble" of Nanchang and head to Guangzhou for the second half of our adventure.
November 6, 2015
We got to the airport and our awesome guide got us our tickets, helped us check our bags, and walked us to security. It was a sad moment to leave her behind. For all of the communication amusements that transpired over the week, she was our lifeline, and we couldn't have done it without her.
Now, here is a funny story! When we checked in for tickets, we found out that when our facilitator booked the flight, there ended up not being enough seats in economy, so Baby's ticket was in First Class. We joked about putting a toddler alone in first class and letting the attendants enjoy that adventure! Okay, so in seriousness, we knew that I would have to take the seat if we couldn't get the other person in the row to switch. Well, we get on the plane and head to the back of the plane. Hubby and Baby sat down in the 2 empty seats, and the poor gentlemen in the 3rd seat looked very confusing looking at me. We asked if he spoke English, and he said no. So I had to wait for everyone behind us to pass and then got the flight attendant. She had some limited English, so we managed to convey to the gentleman that he could have our seat in first class. It didn't take too much convincing once he understood what was going on. As soon as he moved, the attendant pointed to the empty seat and asked me if it was okay. Umm, yeah, that's the seat I want! LOL. As we were taxiing to take-off, she tried to bring me the slippers and paper that went with the seat. I finally managed to convey that I wanted the man to have everything, even my better meal. She seemed surprised. I just want to know the story that he told his family when he got home that night!
Well, Baby was cranky-toddler-tired by that point, so we gave her a snack. The plane started rolling, she started nodding, and she was asleep before take-off. I wish I could say that it lasted, but she only slept about 30 minutes total. Then she woke up MAD! We used food to distract her as much as we could, but she got upset about the seat belt and just started wailing. And wailing. Finally, an attendant came over and asked if she wanted a little kids' book. I said no. She asked if water might help her ears not hurt (how to explain "aural atresia" in limited English?). I finally managed to explain that she didn't like the seat belt, and she said we could "hug her." I clarified -- "you mean hold her?" "Yes!!!" [Translation: please make her stop!] Well, I had her unbuckled and in Hubby's lap before you could blink, and we managed to get her to stop. Whew!
What an adventure.
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