Most of the attention up until this point has been on the adoption process . . . the requirements, the loopholes, the stacks of paperwork (which we’ve scarcely begun), the trepidation, the hope. As we are at the moment in the eye of the storm of the pre-approval process, I want to reflect on the emotions of adopting a child with special needs.
For those of you who have been parenting children with special needs for years, please have grace, I am new to this! I acknowledge that I am seeing the iceberg from above the surface. To get a fuller picture of what’s under the water, I will probably have to feel like I am drowning. And that moment hasn’t come for me yet. Nevertheless, I do not take this lightly.
I was reflecting this morning on some friends who are currently in the “trenches.” They are fighting for what’s best for their children, fighting to give them a present and a future, fighting at times against overwhelming odds. Some of them were drafted. Others have gotten there through voluntary enlistment (like we are doing, although we are still in boot camp). But we are in the trenches together!
Here are a few things I’ve already learned in “Boot Camp”:
1. A diagnosis does not define a person. Facing the possibility that our little girl will come home and be “labeled” with a syndrome or disorder does not change who she is. It does not change the fact that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. And it does NOT change the fact that we want her oh so much!
2. We start out as weak people. We lean toward the easy, the fun, the calm, the “norm.” We become soldiers after training – after serving in the trenches – after the need arises. Shakespeare said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” I don’t know about being born great (although I get what he is trying to say), but in the heat of battle, we can achieve greatness.
3. We will be blessed by parenting (grandparenting, befriending, teaching) a child with special needs. Yes, I said WE will be blessed by HER! It’s easy to focus on the obvious blessing that we give her by providing a family (immediate and extended), a home, an education, and a future. But make no mistake, it is not a one-way flow of blessing. Perhaps it makes me selfish, but I cannot wait for the chance to be blessed by her.
For those of you who have been parenting children with special needs for years, please have grace, I am new to this! I acknowledge that I am seeing the iceberg from above the surface. To get a fuller picture of what’s under the water, I will probably have to feel like I am drowning. And that moment hasn’t come for me yet. Nevertheless, I do not take this lightly.
I was reflecting this morning on some friends who are currently in the “trenches.” They are fighting for what’s best for their children, fighting to give them a present and a future, fighting at times against overwhelming odds. Some of them were drafted. Others have gotten there through voluntary enlistment (like we are doing, although we are still in boot camp). But we are in the trenches together!
Here are a few things I’ve already learned in “Boot Camp”:
1. A diagnosis does not define a person. Facing the possibility that our little girl will come home and be “labeled” with a syndrome or disorder does not change who she is. It does not change the fact that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. And it does NOT change the fact that we want her oh so much!
2. We start out as weak people. We lean toward the easy, the fun, the calm, the “norm.” We become soldiers after training – after serving in the trenches – after the need arises. Shakespeare said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” I don’t know about being born great (although I get what he is trying to say), but in the heat of battle, we can achieve greatness.
3. We will be blessed by parenting (grandparenting, befriending, teaching) a child with special needs. Yes, I said WE will be blessed by HER! It’s easy to focus on the obvious blessing that we give her by providing a family (immediate and extended), a home, an education, and a future. But make no mistake, it is not a one-way flow of blessing. Perhaps it makes me selfish, but I cannot wait for the chance to be blessed by her.
“When local churches . . . reach beyond the comfort zones and embrace
families with special needs children, the entire fellowship is blessed
in dramatic ways.
Your church will realize that we're richer when we recognize our poverty,
we're stronger when we see our weaknesses,
Your church will realize that we're richer when we recognize our poverty,
we're stronger when we see our weaknesses,
and we
become recipients of God's grace
when we understand our desperate need of Him."
~Joni Eareckson Tada
when we understand our desperate need of Him."
~Joni Eareckson Tada
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