Musings of a Whimsical Realist

So I’ve managed a few fun blogs, but it’s been a while since I’ve updated on the adoption process.  One reason is the hustle and bustle of the holiday season (starting with Thanksgiving and continuing through the New Year).  And the other reason is that this part of the process isn’t very interesting.  Insane, busy, daunting, and detailed, but not particularly an exciting read. So where are we now that the dust is beginning to settle? The majority of the paperwork has had its t’s crossed and its i’s dotted.  Full physicals for me and Hubby; passports arrived; pretty much every aspect of our lives documented, signed, and notarized.  We are almost through the 12 online education hours (to complete by next weekend) . . . and then on Saturday the 3rd and Sunday the 4th, we have our home study home visit!  That will be the last step of the home study process, and we are so excited to be at that point! Financially, our belts are tightening.  We had a small cache of funds to

I have a confession to make, a seasonal guilty pleasure . . . I love Christmas movies!  Classics like “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Miracle on 34th Street.”  And the not-so-classic made-for-TV cheeseball movies.  I consume them like a chocoholic chowing down a bag of Dove bars! Talking reindeer?  Awesome!  Sappy kissing under mistletoe?  Love it!  Glitter, glitz, lights, twinkling stars, snowy landscapes?  The best! So why the confession?  Because Christmas movies capture for me an essential quality of the holiday season.  The whimsy of a time when we take a pause to enjoy the magical, the memorable, the beautiful, the nostalgic, and the sacrificial. For someone like me, Christmas is a 2-sided coin.  There is the whimsical wonder of the more “commercial” or “traditional” side of the season.  Then there is the reality of God the Son coming to earth as a frail human baby, beginning His journey to the cross and salvation for all mankind (noting that this didn’t actually take place i

As I have explained to people that we are hoping to have Sibyl home in 6-8 months, the same comment has come up many times: “It must be so hard to know she is there waiting for you and to not be able to go get her yet.”  In a nutshell, the answer is “Yes!” This excerpt is from my journal yesterday morning.  I felt compelled to share it since it touched so specifically on a moment in the process of waiting. I woke up with a heartache this morning – an ache for a 20-month-old halfway around the world.  Last  night, for the first time, I dreamt that she was here.  I was able to hold her and hug her and talk to her.  Then I woke up and she wasn’t here.  My arms felt empty for her.  I hugged her sisters and brother, but a piece of my heart was still missing.  Waiting for me. I think God gave me the dream to quicken my heart.  In the shadow of mountains of cold, sterile paperwork, it is easy to lose hold of the heart of a warm, living little person who is waiting for us 16 hours in th

So Part I of this topic covered the general "rules" that I adhere to with organizing.  Now to share a few of my specific and favorite ways that I've organized at home! #1 -- The re-purposed file holder.  This is on the back of my laundry room drawer.  When I fold a load of socks and find a single all by its lonesome, it goes in here until its mate resurfaces.  I have seen variations of this idea (ie. a clothesline on the laundry room wall), but I have to say, having somewhere to put the lone socks is great! #2 -- What to do with all of those pretty hair clips that your daughters end up collecting?  I got one of those photo boards from Wal-Mart for under $10 (could also make your own, you crafties out there!).  Now they are aren't taking up drawer space in the bathroom AND they double as wall art in the girls' room! #3 -- I re-purposed an old laundry hamper as our family shoe basket (we are a generally "no-shoe" house").  Shoes go

WE GOT IT!!!  That’s right, we got our pre-approval!  We made the official announcement to our families and then on Facebook last Friday after we got the good (amazing, awesome, fantastic) news.  I planned to get it onto here sooner than this, but Hubby’s birthday weekend followed by the busy start to the week followed by a flu bug took pretty much all of my energy.  But I’m mended and ready to start MOUNTAINS of paperwork.  And I couldn’t be happier! Before I answer some of the questions that I’ve been fielding about where we go from here, let me just say . . . when God calls you to a path, follow it!  We were strongly encouraged to consider other options back in May and told that the odds were not in our favor.  We stepped out in faith that the Lord was calling us in a clear direction, and we needed to follow it until it ran its full (and not necessarily easy) course.  Already, His hand has been clearly seen in this process.  Funds available in the exact (and I mean, to the pen

Before anyone jumps ahead, let me clarify that we are still waiting for a final word on our pre-approval.  BUT something significant happened yesterday! A week ago Wednesday (the 8th), the CCCWA (China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption) returned from holiday, and our paperwork was waiting for them.  [Reminder: we are requesting 2 waivers to be able to move forward with adopting our little girl.]  We knew that we were looking at a typically two-week wait to hear back from them.  Imagine my surprise when Monday of this week (a mere 5 days later) I received a late-night email asking me to call our agency the next morning (no, I did NOT fall asleep easily that night!). The next morning’s conversation was rather neutral in that our agency had heard back from the CCCWA requesting more detailed information regarding our finances.  Obviously not the immediate “Yes” that we were hoping for but not a “No” either.  We were sent the financial form that is usually a part of the dossie

Most of the attention up until this point has been on the adoption process . . . the requirements, the loopholes, the stacks of paperwork (which we’ve scarcely begun), the trepidation, the hope.  As we are at the moment in the eye of the storm of the pre-approval process, I want to reflect on the emotions of adopting a child with special needs. For those of you who have been parenting children with special needs for years, please have grace, I am new to this!  I acknowledge that I am seeing the iceberg from above the surface.  To get a fuller picture of what’s under the water, I will probably have to feel like I am drowning.  And that moment hasn’t come for me yet.  Nevertheless, I do not take this lightly. I was reflecting this morning on some friends who are currently in the “trenches.”  They are fighting for what’s best for their children, fighting to give them a present and a future, fighting at times against overwhelming odds.  Some of them were drafted.  Others have gotten th

“They’s organized.” ~Chicken Run I have a confession – I am addicted to organization.  I drool over the storage tub aisle at Wal-Mart.  I browse Staples for fun.  I clean out a closet and then open the doors a dozen times after just to soak in the organizational afterglow.  This addiction can affect my life – when I am faced with a stack of dirty dishes and a cluttered cupboard, the cupboard wins!  But time management is also part of the allure.  Functioning out of a home where everything has a place is just easier.  I rarely have to waste time digging through the house looking for something – I know where things are.  So OCD tendencies aside, I am going to share a few of my favorite organization principles. 1. Don’t marry yourself to a method.  What works for someone else may not work for you.  Good organization is ultimately about practicality.  Don’t be afraid to change an organizational method when it isn’t working! 2. Life has seasons and stages – and so does organizatio

I get to write this blog post!  We have submitted the paperwork with our new agency to request our waivers . . . which you may recall means that WE HAVE FOUND A MATCH! After reviewing and returning the file for little girl “Iy,” I had come to two realizations.  1. That Hubby and I were both feeling strongly and persistently drawn to the idea that our next daughter would have hearing loss.  2. That in this part of the process, the main “currency” is timeliness.  So I began a new routine . . . every morning, I would sit down to breakfast at my computer and go through my bookmarked lists looking for new listings that might meet our parameters. On Thursday, September 18th, I was looking online yet again when I saw a new listing.  Less than 12 hours after it appeared online, I called the agency to request to review her file.  Late that night (after much extra effort on the inquiry specialist’s part to get us the information after their internet went down!), we met Sibyl (not her real name b

It has been almost 4 weeks since I’ve blogged . . . and what a crazy 4 weeks!  We finished off summer with a family vacation to the coast and then started 2nd grade with Firstborn and preschool with the twins.  Along with a bunch of new teaching opportunities and the fall re-start of extracurricular fun.  In the midst of all that, things have NOT been silent on the adoption front.  In this instance, though, I am going to tell you the end of the story first . . . we are basically back where we started, although a little more experienced from the detour. Again, I want to stress, we are not the norm when it comes to the beginning of this journey.  Most of the time, you complete mountains of paperwork for a country from which you qualify for adoption.  But since our hearts are still with China, we are reversing the process to find the child BEFORE the main bulk of the paperwork.  No easy task indeed. To make the new information a bit less confusing, I am going to borrow a method from

The wall will not be moved.  Although we have not received official confirmation from the agency due to a vacation absence, Child A is no longer listed on the waiting child list and Child B is "On Hold" as we were warned would probably happen.  It seems that our path does not lie in this direction. And so we take another path.  I have begun an inquiry with a third agency regarding a potential match (the other little girl I referenced in my last post).  A positive to beginning again the process of acquainting ourselves with an agency is that this agency is also a Christian agency.  There is a good measure of peace in knowing that we are working with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ for the placement of these dear little ones! As we wait for word from the new agency, please be lifting Child A and Child B up in prayer as they are in process to meeting their forever families.  The most difficult part of that whole process was not knowing the type of home that they will b

After spending a day and a half emotionally processing the fact that Child A (the little girl we were pursuing) was on hold with another family, I realized that I had more questions for the agency.  As I mentioned before, our information is on file if something falls through with her adoption.  Now I have a few more specifics.  It was one of the first two families reviewing her file that decided to go forward with the adoption.  The agency estimates that there is a 75% chance that they will get the approval from China for the adoption.  We should know for certain in 2-3 weeks.  IF (note: BIG if) something were to happen to prevent that adoption moving forward, we would get to review her file and would be second in line for pursuing her adoption. Also, as we were initially waiting to hear about Child A for over 3 weeks, I was continuing to look at other waiting children listings online.  There were two other girls that seemed like potential matches.  One of them is with the same agenc

This is not the blog post that I wanted to be writing.  I rather detest writing it, to be exact.  But after two weeks of waiting and praying, we found out officially today that the little girl we were hoping to pursue is now ON HOLD with one of the families in line ahead of us.  This means that her file is locked for them as they begin the official paperwork for adopting her.  While our information is still on file if something falls through, the much, much more likely scenario is that this path is not ours. This is miserably hard.  For me, the emotions that must be processed fall somewhere between how you feel when the pregnancy test is negative after months of trying and how you feel when you find out you are miscarrying.  I am glad that this little girl is going to have a forever family and the chance to become whom God wants her to be.  But let’s be honest – I wanted this family to be ours. Please pray for peace.  Pray for healing.  This hurts.  And pray that we find the little

So after several weeks of calm on the adoption front (I even got a call from our case worker just to check in with us since we were in a small holding pattern), everything went crazy about two weeks ago.  I was online perusing some files of Waiting Children in China, trying to get a glimpse of what many of the special needs look like apart from a black and white text.  In the midst of viewing so many sweet faces and hopeful children, I came across a little girl who quickly captured my attention.  Because of strict guidelines about sharing information about Waiting Children, the information that I can share will be vague for now (eg. no name, just pronouns).  She is in our age range (0-2 years), and her special need is significant hearing loss.  I felt my heart leap at the possibility!  While we have a fairly expansive list of special needs that we will consider, hearing loss is still at the top of our list.  BUT her file belongs to another agency. I won’t bore you with all of the b

Bringing the school year to an end (cheers for finishing homeschool 1st grade with Firstborn!) and preparing for our spring dance performance AND finishing our backyard project (woohoo!) have kept us very busy for the last 2 weeks, which is how long it has been since I’ve posted an update.  And things have not been quiet in the area of adoption either! First, the “bad” news.  On Monday June 2nd, I got a call from our adoption agency, All God’s Children International . . . there is no child currently meeting our parameters on the Waiting Child list.  Our case worker did assure me that the China director was pleased with our Medical Conditions parameters and what we are open to accepting.  The largest two factors making it difficult to match us with a child right now are gender (girls make up less than half of the Waiting Child list) and age (10 months or more younger than the twins, so 2 ½ max). In the meantime, our application was preliminarily accepted, and I began another round

It’s hard to believe that my last blog post was only 8 days ago – they have been busy, emotional, crazy, exciting days! Roadblock #2 As I mentioned in my last post , we didn’t met a criteria for adopting from China – the net worth requirement of $80,000.  So we knew that we would need to be willing to adopt from the Waiting Child list to even have a possibility of adopting from China.  Well, no sooner had I posted that blog, then roadblock #2 arose via a question that I put to our case worker.  A part of my journey in 2013 was recognizing a need for some medical intervention due to stress-related symptoms.  I began taking a low-dose prescription, which has been very successful for me.  However, ANY type of medication for anxiety/stress/depression in China is considered a mental health issue.  So we had just failed another requirement. This was not an easy thing to hear.  Feelings of inadequacy and being “broken” flooded me, as well as fear that our door had closed.  However, whil

While financial wrangling was a huge part of our process last year, we also found ourselves “making life-changing decisions.” That particular aspect continued into this year, the last month seeing us putting down some roots into those decisions. Part 1 of this post was written at the end of April -- even since then, things have progressed! The biggest decision that Hubby and I have been praying over and discussing is whether or not to adopt from the Waiting Child list. This list includes minor to severe medical and/or mental issues and older children; some of the medical issues are correctable with better treatment options in the States. This is a daunting, challenging, VERY personal decision to make! I have to admit to struggling with myself for months about this. Thoughts flew through my mind, including: “Can I take on the extra challenge that a Waiting Child will bring?” “Am I a horrible person for thinking that I can’t handle certain issues?” “Will the extra needs of a Waitin

This is Part 1 of a long-awaited blog to answer a frequent and important question -- where are we in the adoption process? Last time I wrote about adoption , I said that "2013 will see us doing mountains of paperwork and making life-changing decisions and trusting God for financial provision to bring our next daughter home."  That was certainly true but not necessarily in the ways I expected.  Let me go back a bit, to the beginning of our marriage.  I worked full-time and Hubby part-time for the first two years that we were married as he completed his Bachelor of Science in Computer Information Systems.  After that, we learned the crazy mess that at-will employment is in this area.  In 8 years, Hubby has worked for 5 different companies, with both voluntary and involuntary switching of jobs.  Two periods of unemployment and a couple of lower-paying positions have left us with some “bad debt” that we are not comfortable having (ie. debt not tied into a home, vehicle, or

One of my poems, and my LAST Project 24 blog post.  14 months ago I started on these and completed 16 topics out of 24 (some were SO photo-specific that I didn't feel inspired to write).  Overall,  it was a fun experience.  Since I've never done the Creative Photography Challenge #1, I may go back and borrow those topics at some point.  For now, I have quite a few other topics that I look forward to exploring. Potential  An acorn, bead from necklaced trees Falls gently to the ground It burrows into mossy soil And grows without a sound Like lovers on their wedding day A small seed planted new With lace and song and flowers bright To help it grow up true The acorn grows throughout the year Oft buried under wintery frost Kind seasons bring a pleasant breeze Tempestuous the rough accost The couple meets its seasons too The times emerge both sweet and harrowed As they attempt to grow together Before their views have dangerous narrowed What will be the

Glowing screens. Flashing lights.  Chiming alerts.  The modern age is indeed amazing in its plethora of technology.  There is almost always “an app for that.” Then there are those of us who cling willfully to the past.  I am writing this blog entry in my notebook with a pen (my favorite G-2 gel pen, itself a technological wonder).  And until September of last year, I had a paper calendar.  I’m not referring to wall-calendar type . . . one still hangs on my wall for quick reference and enjoyment of the attached scenery.  But a spiral-bound calendar that functioned as my second brain.  The type that you would find in the day planners so popular in the 1990's and early 2000's.  And I stubbornly refused to give it up despite my husband’s pleading (and often disparaging) attempts to convince me to let go of such “ancient” technology. So what changed my mind?  Several things, honestly, but mostly a diabolical and long-reaching “plan” on the part of my computer-savvy spouse.  Slow

This is certainly an apt topic for someone who calls herself a whimsical realist.  The side of me that speaks whimsically had been put on mute more and more in recent years of my life.  As a mom of 3 young children, the tyranny of the urgent absorbs almost all of my “spare” time.  And potty-training the twins (just turned 3) and teaching reading to Firstborn (almost 7) has made this semester the busiest of my parenting to date.  So when do I find a moment for whimsy? 1. Taking out the garbage.  That’s right – I am alone outside, usually at night, and I can drink in the outside air and appreciate the twinkling stars! 2. When my children say “Catch me” or “Neener-neener.”  I can’t always do it, but when I can, I put down what I’m doing, turn into the tickle monster, and chase my giggling victims. 3. The victory when all offspring are settled in bed.  This is the golden hour of the day.  The deep-sigh moment when I get to take off my Mommy-Hat (at least until I hear the cries

I had the best of intentions.  Truly I did.  But two things reached out and snatched away my time (and little remaining sanity) -- the dreaded "holiday rush" and cold-and-flu season.  Oh, the illnesses with which we have contended!  There is an oh-so-neat trick about twins (cough, cough) -- they share EVERY virus!  And since their little immune systems are at the same place, they also get a LOT of them.  So I am past the point of hoping for that illusive "free time" to blog.  I'm determined to carve it out of my chaos (case-in-point, I have stopped at least 7 times while writing this to help Firstborn with her bookwork).  I am also going to sacrifice most of the remaining Project 24 topics (hey, they said to tailor it to your needs!).  I have two or three more that I want to hit on, then it's onto some topics that I have been gathering in my mind.  So here we go (again) with the best of intentions!